I'm straight-up stealing this link from the Ferret Press blog, maintained by Columbus small press collective Panel, because it leads to a story whose awesomeocity (It is too a real world! Look it up!*) demands that it be read by as many people as possible.
Over at McSweeney's, Glen Weldon transcribes a statement from Aquaman, King of Earth. The title pretty much says it all: "Aquaman, King of the Seven Seas, Has Fucking Had It With You, Man."
*No it isn't
Man, you're going to have to explain your Aquaman fetish because he is llaaaaame. What good is a hero who's utterly helpless 20 miles inland? What's he going to do in Ohio? Agitate the shellfish at Red Lobster? If he goes to Las Vegas all he can do is hope they're serving really fresh salman that day at Emeril's. Namor gets super-strength, flight and he's banging the Invisble Woman on the side. Aquaman's name is Arthur. Game. Set. Match. Namor.
ReplyDeleteHarris
Hey, we have rivers in Ohio! (not much in the way of impressive fish in them, granted, but there's water nonetheless).
ReplyDeleteAdmitedly, Namor sounds like he'd kick Aquaman's ass on paper, but when they fought in DC vs. Marvel, you do know who was victorious and who was immobilized under a killer whale, don't you?
Namor wasn't crushed, he was doing bench-presses because he knew beating the tartar sauce out of Water Head wouldn't cause him to break a sweat.
ReplyDeleteHarris
Heck, the man can wear orange and green, and make it WORK!
ReplyDelete