The above image is a detail from a splash page in last week's Justice League of America #22, featuring Dr. Niles "The Chief" Caulder, the world's foremost super-surgeon and the wheelchair-bound leader of the Doom Patrol.
To what should readers attribute his suddenly heavily muscled torso?
(a) Caulder's been working out. A lot.
(b) By applying the same surgical skills that allowed him to preserve Cliff Steele's brain in a robot body to the field of cosmetic surgery, Caulder created a whole new torso and set of arms for himself.
(c) Pencil artist Ed Benes can only draw one sort of male physique.
Why, C of course!
ReplyDeleteOne type of nude physique, at that. It kills me when lazy artists can only draw painted-on clothing. I don't need to see every stitch or seam, but I'd like to at least see some fabric draped in a loose approximation of clothing.
ReplyDeleteI have a cover of that Superman/Captain Marvel crossover from a few years ago where Clark Kent's dress slacks are apparantly made of too-small spandex.
(whisper)It's the nanomachines (/whisper)
ReplyDeleteAnd this isn't even close to being the worst drawing in the issue.
ReplyDeleteI don't even have a joke to make. Benes took this whole lovely issue and smeared boogers all over it.
ReplyDeletea)
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(seriously, I heard there's a 'niles caulder: final workout' mini)
(c) Pencil artist Ed Benes can only draw one sort of male physique.
ReplyDeleteDING!DING!DING!DING!DING!
It's also astounding how he manages to make Superman's and Hal Jordan's faces look exactly alike -- even with Hal wearing his mask!
Yup, have to go with "C" here. Not only does he only draw one type of physique, he only draws one kind of face, both male and female. Only the hair color changes.
ReplyDeleteSadly, he's not the only artist that does this. I suppose it is why, when you find an artist who DOES draw different body types and faces, it is such a thrill.
d) The Chief has been playing "Murderball."
ReplyDeleteYou *know* he's wearing a thong bikini bottom, and that on the very next cover - the one for the issue where he uses his amazing surgical and robotics skills to (duh) build himself bionic legs - Ed Benes is going to show it in all of it's star-spangled, spandex-clad synthetic glory!
ReplyDeleteOh, no, wait. That's Wonder Woman.
Ed Benes is going to show it in all of its fishnet stocking-clad synthetic glory!
Oh, no, wait. That's Black Canary.
Ed Benes is going to show it in all of it's white faux leather-clad synthetic glory!
Oh, no, wait. That's Power Girl.
Fuck it, I need a drink...
Wait! I've got it!
ReplyDelete(drum roll):
Ed Benes is going to show it in all of its black laytex, full-on-commando, up-(mini)skirt glory!
No, wait...
Goddammit, that's Mary Marvel!
Just forget it...
If you dislike it so much, why do you read it?
ReplyDeleteIf you dislike it so much, why do you read it?
ReplyDeleteI don't. The image is from the preview that Newsarama posted.
I can't believe someone beat me to the punch on making a joke about the ass of Niles Caulder, as it would hypothetically be drawn by Benes. Truly we fans are a cynical lot. I'm proud.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I choose B. That way, in a future issue of JLA or some other comic guest starring Doom Patrol, we can see Caulder fight his sculpted torso which has decided it wants to be free of the old man and go out into the wide world to experience it as the independent, sexy, toned body part it is!
Man, what is the deal with this book? I dropped it the last time the Red Tornado had issues, not only because of the boring-ass story but also due to the atrocious art. Benes is a terrible comic book artist. There is no distinction between the look of a character other than what the colorist does and maybe hairstyles. It's stiff and un-dynamic. And it is apeing Jim Lee terribly. And i'm not a fan of Jim Lee either. I'm not even going to get into the ass and thong shots. I mean, I appreciate a women with a great future behind her, but not is it distracting, but badly done at that.
ReplyDeleteAnother problem is that when they have a guest artist it is usually worse, like the bad McFarland imitator or vastly better like Van Sciver. The former making you wonder where the hell do they find these guys, the latter teasing you with what might have been or possibly could be. Also I can't stand Red Arrow in the Justice League.
The correct answer is C.
ReplyDeleteNote: no feet were displayed in the composition of this picture.
You know, I know that rolling yourself in a wheelchair does wonders for upper body strength, but I really have to call shenanigans on that one.
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