Marvel's April previews reviewed

Marvel released their previews for books shipping in April earlier this afternoon, and there's some pretty exciting stuff planned for the cruelest month. Well, perhaps it's only "exciting" if you define excitement the same way I do, as something that produces a strong emotional reaction, even if that strong emotional reaction is simply shaking your head sadly in a mixture of disbelief and despondence.

Let's start with the most exciting part...

FALLEN
CLASSIFIED!!!!!
32 PGS./One-Shot/Rated T+ ...$3.99
*Note: not final title

SIEGE LOKI
CLASSIFIED!!!!!
32 PGS./One-Shot/$2.99
*Note: not final title

SIEGE SPIDERMAN
CLASSIFIED!!!!!
32 PGS./One-Shot/$2.99
*Note: not final title

SIEGE CAPTAIN AMERICA
CLASSIFIED!!!!!
32 PGS./One-Shot/$2.99
*Note: not final title

SIEGE YOUNG AVENGERS
CLASSIFIED!!!!!
32 PGS./One-Shot/$2.99
*Note: not final title

SIEGE SECRET WARRIORS
CLASSIFIED!!!!!
32 PGS./One-Shot/$2.99
*Note: not final title

Ha ha ha! Good luck with your ordering there, retailers! These books are so CLASSIFIED with-five-exclamation-points that not only can Marvel not tell you anything about them (not even vague, non-information like "Spider-Man's life will be changed forever in the wake of the year's most awesome event!" or what not), not only can they not tell you who is writing and/or drawing them, they can't even tell you the title. That is awesome.

I guess they at least let us know what characters are in each book—except for the book not actually entitled Fallen—so I guess retailers would have to decide whether to order something like the book not actually entitled Siege Captain America at the same levels they order Captain America or Siege or...something...?

Man, being a retailer does not seem like an easy job...


H.O.H. #1 & #2
Written by JEFF PARKER
Pencils & Covers by HUMBERTO RAMOS
Issue #1 & 2 Variant Cover by ED MCGUINNESS
SOLICIT & FINAL TITLE CLASSIFIED UNTIL THE FINAL PANEL OF THE FALL OF THE HULKS IS REVEALED.
40 PGS.(each)/Rated T+ ...$3.99 (each)

Here's another weird partial solicitation, but at least they give the creators involved. As for the final title, I'm going to guess House of Hulks...


AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #35
Written by CHRISTOS N. GAGE
Penciled by JORGE MOLINA
Cover by DAVID YARDIN
SIEGE BLOCKBUSTER TIE-IN!!
This is it: the series finale – and the end of the Initiative as we know it! Learn the fate of your favorite heroes, villains... and those who aren't quite sure what they are, but who are going to have to decide in a hurry! Who will taste sweet victory? Who will know the agony of defeat? For some this is an end -- for others, a new beginning (which you'll be reading about very soon)! Camp H.A.M.M.E.R. is falling...and The Heroic Age is dawning!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

So, did they ever say what HAMMER was an acronym for…?


CAPTAIN AMERICA #605
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Penciled by LUKE ROSS
Cover by GERALD PAREL
Iron Man By Design Variant Cover by TBA
NOMAD backup by SEAN MCKEEVER & DAVID BALDEON
The dramatic conclusion of "Two Americas" by acclaimed Cap scribe Ed Brubaker and Luke Ross. The final battle between two Captain Americas will leave each changed...and a new secret enemy will be revealed.
40 PGS./Rated T+ ...$3.99

Based on the title of the story arc, I assume the new secret enemy will be John Edwards. (Did I use that joke last month? Better check before I press “publish”…)



I sure like Denys Cowan’s art. Here’s another $4-an-issue miniseries to stick on my Maybe Check Out The Trade Someday list.


How come Black Panther is the only chess piece on the cover of Doomwar that doesn’t appear to be sculpted as if she were going to the bathroom?


DEADPOOL TEAM-UP #894
Written by IVAN BRANDON
Penciled by SANFORD GREENE
Cover by HUMERTO RAMOS
IRON MAN BY DESIGN VARIANT by TBA
A DAME TO GET KILLED FOR. When a widow hires Deadpool to avenge her husband and kill The Punisher, Wade Wilson follows a trail that leads him under the city of NY and headfirst into an army of monsters lead by the animated remains of his prey. What he finds is that FrankenCastle is already dead... but that doesn't make him any less deadly.
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$2.99

I think killing Frank Castle and turning him into a Frankenstein’s monster is the best idea anyone’s had about what to do with the Punisher since it occurred to someone to ask Garth Ennis to write the character. I’ve been waited with bated breath for the trade collection of the “FrankenCastle” arc of the Punisher comic, but suppose I’ll have to get this. I really dig Sanford Greene’s art too, which pushes me off the fence I’d likely be on regarding whether or not to pick this up.


FIRESTAR #1
Written by SEAN MCKEEVER
Penciled by EMMA RIOS
Cover by STEPHANIE HANS
Angelica Jones has been many things in her life. Daughter. Friend. FiancÈe. Mutant. Hellion. New Warrior. Avenger. And, most recently, cancer survivor. Granted a second chance at life, Angelica has only one question for herself: What do I do with it?
32 PGS./One-Shot/Rated T+ ...$3.99

Well, I like writer Sean McKeever. I’m crazy about artist Emma Rios’ work. This definitely seems like a book I’ll pick up when—what’s that? $4?! Fire a Firestar book? Forget it; I’ll just wait for the trade on—huh? A one-shot? So there will be no trade…?

I don’t get it. Why does this comic exist, and who are they trying to sell it to? (Or was this previously published online as a digital comic? Because Marvel has published $4 one-shots that were originally online-only books in the past, like MODOK Reign Delay).



Jill Thompson covers Girl Comics #2!


IRON MAN NOIR #1 (of 4)
Written by SCOTT SNYDER
Penciled by MANUEL GARCIA
Cover by MIKE FYLES
Finally, IRON MAN enters the world of MARVEL NOIR, with an action-packed pulp reimagining like you’ve never seen before!
In 1938, Tony Stark is a daring adventurer, traveling the world in search of its mythological treasures and trying to forget the responsibilities of an iron magnate. From the Fountain of Youth to the hanging Gardens of Babylon, Tony has conquered them all...but only his closest confidants know it’s all one last-ditch effort to cure the disease that slowly killing him. But someone has been selling out Stark Industry secrets to Count Nefaria and his Nazi sympathizers, and it’s only a matter of time before they catch up with Tony on his latest quest!
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$3.99

Yeah, at this point I’m pretty much convinced that Marvel’s not using the word “noir” right at all…


MARVEL HER-OES #1
Written by GRACE RANDOLPH
Pencils & Cover by CRAIG ROUSSEAU
High school equals: bad cafeteria food, bullies, gym class and...people with secret super powers? As if!! Janet Van Dyne’s no stranger to the pitfalls of teenage living, but it’s about to get a whole lot trickier now that she has powers of her own. It’s hard keeping a secret like that in high school, especially when it would be so easy to send some blasts in the direction of her nemesis and popular ice queen, Namora. Maybe Janet would get a break then. Too bad she’s stuck pretending she’s normal. Too bad she’s in this all alone... or is she? Jenny Walters has some anger issues herself, causing her to Hulk out! Turns out the school theatre isn’t the only place you’ll find some drama this year!!
32 PGS/Rated A...$2.99

“Her-oes?” Because they’re female heroes? Ugh. Maybe Marvel Divas and Girl Comics weren't such terrible names after all…

That said, this does look and sound pretty fun, and I like the work of both of the creators. (Not a fan of teen Shulkie’s outfit there though).


MARVEL ZOMBIES 5 #1 & #2 (of 5)
Written by FRED VAN LENTE
Penciled by KANO
Cover by RAFA GARRES
Issue #2 Spoiler Variant by TBA
MACHINE MAN IS BACK! Zombies of the multiverse, watch your rotting backs! To obtain a cure for the zombie virus for Morbius the Living Vampire, Aaron Stack, Agent of ARMOR, must traverse alternate realities hunting down the plague in all its myriad forms...with a most unusual (but somehow oddly appropriate) partner! First up: in the Alterniverse known as "The Territory," the Old West never died. But when the greatest gunslingers of Marveldom -- Two-Gun Kid, Phantom Rider, Kid Colt, and many others -- rise from their graves in Boot Hill, the stage is set for a High Noon showdown with flesh-eating outlaws the likes of which you've never seen! Saddle up and ride into the tale we had to call "THE DEAD AND THE QUICK!"
32 PGS. (each)/Parental Advisory ...$3.99 (each)

I just read writer Fred Van Lente’s Marvel Zombies #3, in which Nextwave-style Machine Man goes to the zombie dimension and Zombie Deadpool and Zombie Morbius, The Living Vampire launch an invasion on the Nexus of All Realities, encountering an Avengers team made-up of Man Thing supporting characters and it was exactly as awesome all that sounded.

I’ll be looking forward to the trade collection of the fifth volume therefore, although it looks like FVL will have a different artistic partner, which is a bit of a bummer. On the plus side, I don’t see any mention of Greg Land covers this time around.


MILLAR & MCNIVEN’S NEMESIS #2
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Cover by STEVE MCNIVEN
The most talked about new series of 2010 rages on! Nemesis’s tour of terror hits Washington D.C. and hits it hard. That doesn’t bode well for the citizens of the nation’s capital or the man in the house on Pennsylvania Ave. Luckily, the Chief of Police has an idea on how to stop the super-villain-- but can you stop a one man hurricane of violence and mayhem? All this, thanks to the creative team that brought you CIVIL WAR- Mark Millar and Steve McNiven.
32 PGS./Mature Content ...$2.99

The most talked about new series of 2010? This is pretty much the first time I’ve heard anything about it, beyond items about Millar wishing out loud who will direct the film version popping up in my Google News feeds.


NEW AVENGERS #64
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Pencils by TIM GREEN II
Cover by STUART IMMONEN
SIEGE BLOCKBUSTER TIE-IN!!
The staggering conclusion to the SIEGE arc delves into the Hood's secret relationship with Norman Osborn and how it will affect the stunning outcome.
Plus the fate of the one they call Mockingbird! What you don't see in SIEGE, you will see here!!
32 PGS./Rated A …$3.99

OMG! “Secret relationship?” Osborn and the Hood are totally dating!


NEW AVENGERS: LUKE CAGE #1 (of 3)
Written by JOHN ARCUDI
Pencils & Cover by ERIC CANETE
When an old friend from Luke Cage’s past is put in the hospital by a vicious attack, Cage leaves his New York City, Avengers Assemblin’ adventure-filled life for the cold, harsh and mean streets of North Philadelphia. But what's brought HAMMERHEAD to town as well? JOHN ARCUDI (Wednesday Comics) and ERIC CANETE (AMAZING SPIDER-MAN) team up to bring you this hard hitting, two-fisted look at the seedier sides of the Marvel U as the original Hero for Hire gets back to work in NEW AVENGERS LUKE CAGE!
32 PGS./Rated T+...$3.99

Here’s another one I’d be all about for $3 a pop, but will hold off on at the $4-for-22-pages price point. It’s only three issues too, which seems too short for a trade collection. Marvel recently published a Dark Reign-related trade collecting three three-issue miniseries, so perhaps that’s the final fate of this series, filling up the first third of a 198-page trade collecting three three-issue New Avengers miniseries.

So again here’s a comic I’d kind of like to buy and read, but will likely never do so due to Marvel’s marriage to that punishingly high price point.


SPIDER-MAN: FEVER #1 (of 3)
Written by BRENDAN MCCARTHY
Pencils & Cover by BRENDAN MCCARTHY
One of comics' most innovative and original voices, Brendan McCarthy, brings SPIDER-MAN: FEVER—a truly unique and surreal story evoking the classic Silver-Age psychedelia of Steve Ditko's Dr Strange. In FEVER, Spider-Man is abducted by a depraved tribe of spider-demons to a bizarre dimension, where he is to be eaten alive. Dr. Strange goes on a perilous occult quest to rescue his friend -- and tangles with some very peculiar characters along the way...
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$3.99

And another one for the Wait For The Trade list...


THOR AND THE WARRIORS FOUR #1 (of 4)
Written by ALEX ZALBEN
Pencils & Cover by GURIHIRU
It all starts here! Power Pack’s biggest adventure ever begins, as they desperately search for the only person who can save the life of their grandmother – THE MIGHTY THOR! But first, they’re going to need to get to Asgard, and that means joining forces with Frog Thor...And THE PET AVENGERS! An epic tale that starts with a book of myths and ends with the destruction of the entire world, this is a journey into mystery that will leave Power Pack changed – forever!
32 PGS./All Ages ...$2.99

Gurihiru draws a hell of a Thor. The title’s cute too, but I’m surprised it doesn’t have a “Power Pack:” in front of it.


ULTIMATE COMICS AVENGERS 2 #1
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Cover by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Villain Variant by MARC SILVESTRI
Foilogram Variant by LEINIL FRANCIS YU
Some jobs are just too dirty for the Ultimates. For these, Nick Fury must gather the Avengers, a black ops team willing to do the missions that others won’t. What role will an infamous mass killer play in Fury’s plans? Find out here, as the Punisher returns to the Ultimate Universe! The blockbuster team of MARK MILLAR (ULTIMATES) and LEINIL FRANCIS YU (SECRET INVASION) presents the explosive beginning to ULTIMATE COMICS AVENGERS: CRIME AND PUNISHMENT.
32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$3.99

You read right—Foliogram Variant. From Marvel, the publisher that is "in the business of selling content rather than Cracker Jack prizes."


ULTIMATE COMICS SPIDER-MAN #9
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Pencils & Cover by DAVID LAFUENTE
It's the return of Spider-Woman! And guess who she totally makes out with in this issue! What?? Yeah, you heard me!! Wanna see a Spider-Man story you have never ever ever ever seen before? We promise you, it’s right here!! All this and Kitty's Pryde's world comes crashing down around her as the U.S. government comes to Midtown High to collect her.
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$3.99


Oh man, I hope she makes out with Spider-Man, whom she's cloned from. Any teenager would make out with an opposite-sex clone of themselves right?