Marvel's July previews reviewed

This July, Marvel Entertainment will publish a bunch of comics. You can read the blurbs and images they have released in order to help promote the sale of those comics here or here.

Or you can just keep reading, and only see the ones I point out, usually to ridicule, but occasionally to compliment.


ASTONISHING X-MEN #52
MARJORIE LIU (w) 
MIKE PERKINS (a) 
Cover by DUSTIN WEAVER
• The explosive aftermath to the year’s most talked about event!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

The silent, all-gay sex issue following Northstar’s wedding in the previous issue? Complete with a climactic explosion? Oh wait, it’s rated T+, huh? Then I can’t imagine what it will be about.

Walt Simonson draws good.


CAPTAIN AMERICA #14
ED BRUBAKER (w) 
PATRICK ZIRCHER 
• CAP MUST GRAPPLE WITH THE REALITY OF THE NEW SCOURGE’S TRUE IDENTITY! 
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

Did you know that when Cap grapples, it's called cappling?

It's not.

I just made that up.

I admire the chutzpah of the dude with the scythe diving at the guy covered from head to toe in super-armor who can fire laser beams out of the palm of his hand.


DEFENDERS #8
Matt Fraction (w) 
Jamie McKElvie (a) 
Cover by Terry Dodson 
• INTO Z’GAMBO to face the menace of John Aman, Prince of Orphans! 
• What secret is Aman hiding worth killing so many for so long? What is he protecting? 
• And just HOW is the BLACK CAT going to STEAL IT? 
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

I like Jamie McKelvie's art a lot, a lot more than whoever was drawing this book when it launched (It was the Dodsons, wasn't it?) so his art credit here is a welcome sight, but still, the eighth issue of an ongoing monthly seems awfully early to bring in a new artist, doesn't it?

INCREDIBLE HULK #11
JASON AARON (w)
RENATO GUEDES (a) 
Cover by CHRISTIAN NAUCK
• Banner continues to torment the Hulk as the STAY ANGRY arc continues! 
• A lost city of Sasquatches! 
• Featuring the world’s deadliest hunter, Kraven! 
32 PGS./Parental Advisory …$3.99

A lost city of Sasquatches…! Jason Aaron sure knows how to get be excited! Luckily that crappy looking cover and the $4 price tag will keep me from actually buying and reading the book.


MUPPETS #1 (of 4)
The four-part Muppet Show story “The Four Seasons” - for the first time in print! 
Written by ROGER LANGRIDGE
Art by ROGER LANGRIDGE
Cover by TBD 
• Kermit and the gang put on a show to celebrate spring’s arrival at the Muppet Theatre! 
• A special guest — Meredith the Mountain Gorilla — arrives to perform on the Muppet Show, and her many admirers compete for her affections. 
32 PGS./All Ages …$2.99

Please note this is apparently new material from Roger Langridge. Is this the first original Muppet material Marvel has published since yanking the license for Muppet comics from Boom? And how new is it, I wonder? Is it something Langdrige did for Boom that Marvel got when they got the license…?

I have no idea.

I like Langridge’s Muppets comics a whole lot, but I think I’ll hold off for a trade, if I read it at all, as all of the Muppet comics I have now are in trade.

UPDATE: Please see the comments section for an answer to some of my questions, and see Langridge's own site for a shocking revelation (to me) about the comics in question.

Congratulations, Thunderbolts cover artist John Tyler Christopher! You have officially reached a Greg Land level of terribleness with this image.


ULTIMATE COMICS SPIDER-MAN #12
BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS (W) 
DAVID MARQUEZ (a) 
Cover by JORGE MOLINA 
• One of the best reviewed comics in the world continues! 
• Miles must choose between battling his uncle turned crime lord or joining him to keep his family safe! 
• What path will Miles take?! 
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

 That's a fine bit of hyperbole, because it sounds like it could potentially be true, and who actually cares enough to look it up and see if it actually is one of the best reviewed comics in the world (a world which, let's remember, includes both France and Japan).

But why stop there?

If it is indeed one of the best reviewed comics in the world, you might as well go ahead and say "known universe," as there are no other comic books in existence in the known universe that aren't from our world.

ULTIMATE COMICS ULTIMATES #13
SAM HUMPHRIES (w)
Billy Tan (a) 
Cover by MICHAEL KOMARCK
... 
• THE RETURN OF ULTIMATE CAPTAIN AMERICA! 
• Enter DIVIDED WE FALL, the Ultimate Comics line-wide event of the summer! 
• ALL CAP ACTION -- perfect jumping on point for new readers! 
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

I like how "ALL CAP ACTION" is in all-caps. ALL CAP, ALL-CAPS ACTION!

WOLVERINE AND THE X-MEN #14
JASON AARON (w)
JORGE MOLINA (a) 
Cover by NICK BRADSHAW
AVX TIE-IN! 
• We can’t say much or we spoil the event of the summer!
• Kitty Pryde on a date with…???
32 PGS./Rated T …$3.99

Normally when Marvel doesn't want to reveal the identity of a character on the cover, they simply black that figure out, so that they appear as a silhouette, which usually still provides some clues to that figure's identity (The cover for July's Avengers Vs. X-Men: Vs issue provides a good example of this, as Thor fights...someone on the cover).

Here it looks like they're dabbling with digitally obscuring the figure with the same sort of technology used to hide the identity of crime witnesses on the news or TV shows, or genitals in Japanese pornography (Er, from what I've heard about Japanese pornography from friends. Well, acquaintances, really).

So who is Kitty Pryde dating...? Could it be mutant genitals that have witnessed a crime? Probably.