Weekly Haul: October 3rd

Well, that was a terrible day for new comics. I didn’t get to the shop until a little later than usual, and I’d still plowed through my whole haul by 3 p.m.

Was it just me, or were there just fewer cool-looking books on the shelves this week? And I mean book-books. Floppies. Pamphlets. Chapbooks. Thirty-two-page, stapled comics with 22 pages of story and ten pages of ads. Whatever you call ‘em. There were an awful lot of graphic novels I passed by for economic reasons (I’ll get to you shortly, Empowered Vol. 2, and Richie Rich? Your day will come…someday. You have to wait until after Casper though, okay? Aaa! I Killed Adolf Hitler! You’re out this week, too? And a way-too-late-to-capitalize-on-52’s-momentum trade collection of good old not Renee Montoya The Question? I’m sorry, I need to put gas in my car this week. I’ll return for you. Soon. I promise!)

I held Howard the Duck in my hands for a while, unsure of whether or not to buy it. I imagine Steve Gerber in his polar Fortress of Steve Gerbertude, using some kind of telescope-like contraption of the sort Santa Claus uses in Christmas specials to check in on kids to see if they’re naughty or nice, and I felt the lens of it on me as I stood there. I like Ty Templeton a lot (his Civil War Howard story was pretty cool), I like comics set in Ohio a lot, and a flip-through revealed Fin Fang Foom and MODOK, but the art and bill-shape ultimately had me put it back on the shelf (If Howard doesn’t look like a Disney duck, that’s pretty much the whole joke gone right there, isn’t it?). Maybe if Templeton would have drawn it too…

The revival of another Gerber comic I really wanted to get was Omega the Unknown because a) I loved Omega the Unknown b) I love Farel Dalrymble c) I love Paul Hornschmeier and d) I’m curious about Jonathan Lethem’s comics-scripting abilities. But Diamond shorted my store’s shipment, so no OtU this week (If I make it back to the shop between now and then, check out next Monday’s Best Shots col at Newsarama.com for a belated review, though).

I was kind of interested in Cyborg Superman, which had a great logo and cover (I just love the image of C.S. trying on Clark Kent’s glasses), and guest-starred the Justice League, whom so rarely appear in not-terrible comics these days, but during my flip-through investigation I saw the League was only in a half-dozen or so pages, and Vixen was using her animal powers she no longer has, and Black Lightning was using his flying powers he’s never had, and so I put that right back down. I can’t entirely blame the writer and editors for not knowing about Vixen—I mean, to do so they’d have to read some pretty shitty comics—but Black Lightning flying through space? C’mon guys, there’s gotta be a DC Encylopedia in the office somewhere.

But I better shut up about the comics I didn’t buy before I lapse into a 2,000-word tangent about how ridiculous it is that The Joker’s Daughter was spawned from a universe that didn’t even exist until decades after she existed. Here then are the comics I did buy…





Action Comics #856(DC Comics) I’m not terribly fond of Geoff Johns’ version of Bizarro, as his imperfect duplicate of Superman is more of a mentally retarded Superman who kills kids simply because he doesn’t know any better (See also the un-finished Andy Kubert arc of this title, as well as Infinite Crisis for more of Johns’ deadly Bizarro). Bizarro is just one of those Silver Age concepts that shouldn’t be made dark and realistic, because when you play some of that shit too straight, you suck out the charm and inadvertently underscore the ridiculousness (and look a little ridiculous yourself in the process).

This issue, the second chapter of “Escape From Bizarro World” opens with a black and white homage to the Frankenstein film, and Bizarro contemplating killing a busload of children. In the present, Bizarro Luthor unleashes Bizarro Doomsday to destroy Bizarro, and we get to see heads smooshed and bodies severed by punches, making it your typical 21st century Geoff Johns DC comic book I guess.

While I’m enjoying the hell out of seeing Eric Powell let loose on Bizarro World, the story his art serves is only mildly interesting, and more so for how it suffers in comparison to other takes on the characters than anything else (All-Star Superman just did this story right down to the creation of Bizarro duplicates and the phrase “Bizarro Bizarro”).

Now, why is Bizarro Doomsday exactly like normal Doomsday? There’s nothing opposite about him at all.

Bonus! This issue also has an eight-page advertorial section featuring a team-up between Superman and the Airheads candy logo. I’d like to make a joke about decompression, pointing out how in the ‘70s superheroes could convince kids to buy junk food in just one-page, whereas now it takes eight times that, but I’m positive someone else has already made this exact same joke.

I will say those kids seem like a bunch of vapid assholes, convinced to turn their backs on a couple of bald dudes who love green and purple and are talking about how they just sealed off an entire city with a force field by a talking balloon that pooh-poohs the very notion of “civics” outside the classroom and offers a candy un-ironically called “Airheads.” Plus, kids, did no one tell you about candy from strangers? Do you know that talking balloon?

And I’m not sure what Lex and Brainiac did wrong exactly? Is the act of force field erection itself illegal? Does the City of Metropolis own the air around it? Did they violate a zoning code by putting that force field there? If there was a nefarious purpose to the plot, they don’t even get around to revealing it, let alone enacting it.

But the logo totally destroys a fire hydrant and assaults Brainiac, and Superman swoops in, tears a crosswalk signal out of the ground (surely that’s illegal) and wraps the pair up in it. I’m no judge, but I think Superman and the Airheads balloon probably broke a lot more laws than the Luthor/Braniac team.





Detective Comics #837 (DC) Oh DC, will you never stop trying to force your Countdown upon me? As this issue’s cover reveals, this is “A Countdown tie-in,” and it’s even written by Paul Dini, mastermind of the Worst Thing To Ever Happen to DC Comics (Dini is apparently the guy who cranks out memos full of bad ideas and continuity errors to give to less-busy writers to turn into the worst comic on the stands each week. I think. I didn’t pick up Gene Simmons’ Dominatrix #2 today, and I suppose there’s a good chance that might have been worse than this week’s issue of Countdown).

Anyway, this issue of Detective is totally Countdown-tastic, as it follows the reformed Riddler (seen in TEC as well as at least one issue of CD) and the reformed Harley Quinn (ditto) as they investigate a criminal hiding out in a Metropolis Amazonian Women’s shelter run by the Apokalyptian bad guy Granny Goodness in disguise as the Greek goddess Athena, whom apparently no one is all that surprised to find is both a) real and b) running a women’s shelter in downtown Metropolis.

As far as the execution of the tale goes, Dini frames it quite nicely as a test by Batman (who only appears on the last page), and much of the dialogue is decent, but it’s a very clumsy plot with some real wince-inducing moments.

Dini tries to explain why Harley isn’t in The Secret Six anymore (already explained in Birds of Prey) with a flashback continuity patch that serves no purpose beyond revealing that Dini shouldn’t be allowed to write Ragdoll (Nothing makes me appreciate Gail Simone more than when another writer tackles a character she excels at; see also Heinberg, Rucka or Johns writing Dr. Psycho). Upcoming DC comic Salvation Run gets rather obliquely teased, and there are plot points feeding into whatever’s up with the New Gods/Countdown business. I think Dini also introduces a new supervillain named Scylla (like the dead partner and lover of Peter David-created terrorist Charybdis, which I guess makes her Scylla II), in an extremely clumsy manner.

But enough about the words, can we talk about the pictures for a moment? As usual, the Simone Bianchi cover is pretty strong, although I’m not quite sure why he used the Justice version of Riddler instead of a DCU one.

The interiors though…

Look, I like Don Kramer and Wayne Faucher’s work; I just like it elsewhere. I mean, it’s not their fault that they’re not Rags Morales or J.H. Williams (the artists first announced as Dini’s partners). The real-world weirdness they infused the JSA with was neat, and their Batman and Robin and even their Joker are pretty okay, too. But I hate their Riddler, as they seen unable to draw a derby hat (their Riddler seems to be wearing a green plastic helmet at all times) and their representational style seems horribly wrong for a character like Harley.

She was literally created as a cartoon character, and so Kramer and Faucher’s style is the complete opposite of what best serves the character. It’s weird too because DC should have a long, long list of great artists who have worked on their animated-style stuff over the last 15 years or so. Sure, maybe Bruce Timm (the best Harley artist, obviously), Darwyn Cooke or Ronnie del Carmen* are too busy. What about all those guys forced to draw in Timm style on the animated-style books, all of whom would kick ass in the DCU, like Templeton, Carlo Barberi, John Delaney or Rick Burchett? What about Johnny DC alum Sanford Greene? Or any of the guys who worked with Dini on his Jingle Belle books for Oni and Dark Horse? (I would kill to see more Stephen DeStefano art in the DCU after seeing his book-ends of the first Bizarro anthology. Seriously—kill. Anyone. Just name ‘em, and I’ll kill ‘em. I’d kill you, dear reader).

By the way, when did Catwoman’s pal Holly stop being cute…?




JLA/Hitman #2 (DC) Remember how great the Morrison/Porter/Dell era of the Justice League was? Remember how great Garth Ennis and John McCrea’s Hitman was? Remember how great JLA/Hitman #1, which had Ennis and McCrea teaming the stars of those two great late ‘90s DC series together, was?

Well, this issue is just like that.

Having spent the first half of the series reintroducing us to Tommy and his world, Ennis and McCrea spend this issue focusing mostly on the battle between Parasite-infected NASA workers and Tommy and the now-powerless League, stuck on the Watchtower and in danger of becoming collateral damage in a U.S. nuclear strike against the Parasites.

Tommy makes for an excellent gateway character into the world of the old(er), god-like League, and there are some neat little exchanges here, from his reaction shot to Flash’s speed, to his epitaph for Wonder Woman (“Gutsy broad,”) to his argument over firearms with Batman while gunning down their Parasite-infested foes (“It’s okay, they’re set on stun!” he shouts while shooting their legs out from under them). Ennis does a perfect job of using the two character properties to define each other, whether the League is completely ignoring Tommy (as when he asks, “So do you go round every day an’ feed him?” when they pass Aquaman’s tank) or engaging him over using lethal force.

Ennis draws big bold lines under what, on its face, is an absurdity of the Justice League and their sort of superhero—they never kill and they never torture, no matter how high the stakes get—not to ridicule that stance, but to celebrate it as the difference between superheroes and real people. Not to get too heavy on you guys or anything here, but this is one the most serious and thoughtful explorations I’ve ever seen of morality in a Justice League comic, certainly the best since JLA: Classified #3, when Superman lectured the Ultra-Marines about killing.**

And, like that three-pat arc of JLA:C, this story addresses a hard question of real-world ethics and morality among the superheroes without diminishing them to the point of being immoral cowards and hypocrites, like the mind-wiping, magical-lobotomizing, neck-snapping, back-stabbing, secret-keepers we’ve seen in the DCU from Identity Crisis on. (Hell, just a few weeks ago in Black Adam, Superman was dropping a perp off for Batman to torture information out of).

And that ending! Swear to God, I thought I was going to cry. With the main story set as a flashback within the framing sequence, Ennis has constructed a powerful and affecting epilogue to his long-since ended Hitman storyline. That it’s one of the best JLA stories in years as well is just a nice bonus.

As for McCrea, he has a bad panel of Wonder Woman here and there (see page 13, panel 4), but otherwise does an incredible job, with both Tommy, whom he should have down pat by now, and the five Leaguers who appear in the story. Capable of big action and subtle facial expressions, beautiful women and strong-jawed, broad-shouldered men, I wish DC could find him another super-monthly. Say…I don’t know…JLoA? They seem to be having trouble finding someone who can actually draw to put on that title…




Metal Men #3 (DC) Man I wish I was the patient sort, because I’m sure this reads a lot better in trade than it does in a monthly, mainly because there’s just so much to it. There are two-to-three parallel stories occurring in each issue, one in the present, one in the past, and one outside of time looking in, from the ancient past and/or the future. So here’s the third issue, which has chapters seven and eight of the story. Chapter seven is set in the present, and deals with Magnus and the Robot Renegades (Yay, new re-designed L-Ron!) battling the Death Metal Men, while chapter eight is set in the past, and deals with Magnus’ relationship with Helen (and metals). A familiar villain rears his big bubbly head (here’s a hint: “GLAH”), and if this were any book other than Metal Men, I’d be irritated to see him again as he, like Deathstroke, really needs put on a Do Not Use for Three Years list to recover from relative overexposure. But he’s a Metal Men enemy, so if he’s going to menace anyone, I’m glad it’s Magnus.





Parade (With Fireworks) #2 (Image Comics) See that guy in white in the background of the cover? He participated in a gun fight between Fascists and Communists that occurred in #1, yet the judge sentenced our hero to six months in prison, and let the dude in the hat go free. Can you believe that shit? I mean, just look at that guy! Look at that big, black, bushy moustache! And his triangle shaped eyes! He’s clearly a bad guy! I really liked the first issue of this series, and this one is more of the same, which, in this case, is a positive. Now that it’s over, the whole thing seems a little weird in that this was a two-issue series. You don’t see a lot of two-issue series. It’s too small to collect into a trade, unless creator Mike Cavallaro has other, similar stories he plans to tell that this story could be collected into a trade with someday. And if there is no thought of putting it in a trade some day, I wonder why Cavallaro and Image decided to release it as a two-issue miniseries instead of just one big fat six-dollar one-shot? Weird.




Super-Villain Team-Up/MODOK’s 11 #4 (Marvel Comics) I hope this book is selling like gangbusters, so that the “MODOK’s 11” story arc will be followed by another story arc. Otherwise, this is about the worst name for a comic book series ever. Except for all of those Countdown Presents ones with fifteen uninteresting words in them (Tangent: I hate any title with the word “Presents” in it, unless that word is preceded by the name of a comic book company or a person. Like, Punisher Presents: Barracuda, what the hell is that? It makes The Punisher sound like an entertainment mogul or something.)

What could they possibly follow up a story about MODOK going all heist movie on the Marvel Universe with? I don’t know, but this Fred Van Lente character seems to write pretty well, and the Portella/Pallot art team? Far better than the likes of the Living Laser and Rocket Racer deserve (What kind of crazy world do we live in, where Rocket Raccoon and Rocket Racer are so beautifully drawn, while the Justice League has this happen to them?)

So anyway, this is the penultimate chapter of the MODOK’s minions’ attempt to steal the whatever from whoever, and Van Lente’s still pulling surprises left and right. If some of them seem to come from left field, like the latest betrayal among the villains’ group, Van Lente plays their out-of-left-field-icity for laughs. He plays for laughs quite a bit, actually, but this one has plenty of well-drawn action and some crazy-looking vehicles for all the crazy-looking characters to ride in, too.





The Vinyl Underground #1 (DC/Vertigo) Two creators I know nothing of, writer Si Spencer and pencil artist Simon Gane, team with inker and Best Artist Ever Cameron Stewart for an old school Vertigo series that mixes ten o’clock police procedural TV drama with colorful characters that are each a random collection of interesting attributes and gives them the mission statement of occult crime-solvers.

For the record, I think occult crime-solving is right up there with superheroes, zombies and barbarians as a genre we don’t need to see any more comics about, but I was pleasantly surprised that this didn’t seem at all derivative of the Hellboy/BPRD model. I could easily see this story getting irritating at some point, depending on how pretentious it gets, but this first issue is all about introducing the four main players, and the mystery they’re going to solve, and so far it’s pretty engaging.

And that art? Absolutely unfuckwithable…just gorgeous, gorgeous stuff. The London setting, the English characters and the self-conscious supernatural hipsterism of the story all evoke the Vertigo of old, but so too does the vaguely British, mildly chunky and cartoony but still representational art style, not to mention Guy Major’s subdued color work.

At this point, my only complaint is that the title and the subject matter don’t match up in any obvious way (the protagonist is maybe a DJ, who leaves records as his calling card, which is why it’s called Vinyl Underground I guess…?). And that our main character is named Morrison Shepherd. It’s a name which immediately calls to mind a very popular comic book writer who really came into his own writing for this imprint back in the day, and it’s abbreviated by everyone who talks to him into “Mozza” or “Moz,” which makes me think of Morrissey, which makes me think about how awesome a comic in which Morrissey is a freelance detective solving crimes, occult or otherwise, would be.






*He’s responsible for a couple of early ‘90s Aliens comics for Dark Horse, a Harley and Ivy story in 1995’s Batman Adventures Holiday Special #1 and that black and white Harley and Ivy story “The Bet” that ran in Gotham Knights and was collected in the recent Batman: Harley and Ivy trade. I love that guy’s stuff, and he produces so little of it for comics. Sigh.



** “Quite frankly, as an alternative to some of the super-punishments we’ve had to devise over the years—execution’s a walk in the park. These ‘no-nonsense’ solutions of yours just don’t hold water in a complex world of jet-powered apes and time travel.”