Remember kids: It's okay to cheat, but only if it's the only way you can win

Because apparently I can't do anything even vaguely comics-related without writing about it on the Internet, here's what I typed while watching the latest episode of The Brave and The Bold that was posted on cartoonnetwork.com...


—Let’s see, there’s a vulture, perched on a sign that says Sergio Station…Holy shit, this is gonna be a Jonah Hex team-up, isn’t it?



—Sweet; it is.

—And The Royal Flush Gang is preparing to have Hex drawn and quartered, over a train track, where a train is due…? So they’re going to cut him in half while he’s being quartered…? Harsh. Oh no, they’re just quartering him; they’re just using the train whistle to get the horse to run.

—Batman wears a sombrero and poncho over his costume. He is truly a master of disguise.

—Fuck yeah, they said “Bat-Hombre.” It wouldn’t be the Brave and the Bold without someone referring to Batman as “Bat-Hombre” at some point….

—Hex and Batman clothesline a dude riding a horse with an actual rope. Man, they fucked that guy up.

—I would really like to see Batman get himself a proper cowboy hat, as Hex suggests.

—This one’s called “The Return of the Fearsome Fangs.” I don’t know what that means.

—What’s that white eyebrow master eating on? Is that a rice ball? Damn, now I want onigiri….

—That cloud of falling arrows thing is so goddamned played out, I never want to see it again. I’ll forgive it here, since this is a kids cartoon, and they may have only seen it, like, twice already.

—Er…The Terrible Trio…? As ninjas…? Weird.

—Are their vultures in Japan? Or China? I don’t know if that’s biologically/geographically accurate, but I’m not going to look it up, now or later.

—So there are only like six guys all together, and they somehow shot 500 arrows all at once?

—Ha ha, the poison dart the eyebrow master was shot with contains “five deadly venoms”…

—“He’s too fat…” Ha ha, Fat Bronze Tiger…!

“—with pride.” Ohh…

—Young, in-training Batman wore a bat mask, like from that one Lady Shiva had him wear near the beginning of “Knights End.”

—How come this Wong Fei fellow doesn’t wear a mask/helmet, and yet he’s their master, training them to get in touch with their animal totems and what not? What’s his animal…?

—Animated Bronze Tiger. Jeez. To think that I would live to see the day where Bronze freaking Tiger is in a cartoon show.

—Oh shit, Batman took his cape off. Things are about to get serious.

—I like the edge to Bronze Tiger’s voice. I’m glad he doesn’t just have the same generic Black Male Hero voice common in cartoons like this.

—I guess the tiger mask sort of echoes the one he used to wear in the comics too (Although lately they’ve been drawing it as a sort of actual tiger’s head.

—What is that move Wong Fei just busted out, a No Shadow Kick? It’s fucking sweet.

—Hmm, Fox looks more like a hyena with that big-ass hump….

—You know, I’m not sure “When outmatched, cheat” is the best moral for a kids cartoon show.

—In the first one of these I saw, Batman got turned into a gorilla. In this one, he turns into a bat-mutant. They’re really not afraid to transform Batman in this show, which seems noteworthy to me. Batman rarely turns into a gorilla or bat-monster in the comics any more (Although he did turn into a bat-monster similar to this one in an issue of The Brave and The Bold that was collected in the last Showcase Presents book. (This makes sense though, as transforming Batman increases the number of possible action figures based on the show, doesn’t it?)