Page 1: Sure, he is now, but the dude’s been dead for a long time…probably not much left to him besides bones, anyway. Page 2: Sooo, Reed Richards goes to the king of soveigrn African nation Wakanda and asks for help enforcing a controversial new law in the states? Wouldn’t that be like having, I don’t know, British Prime Minster Tony Blair coming to America to fight drug dealers? T’challa is actually quite diplomatic in his response to Reed, considering what a dumb question Mr. Fantastic is there to ask. Page 3: Poor Wong. Two insect-themed former Avengers show up at Dr. Strange’s to ask the Sorcerer Supreme to join their side, and Wong has to make the good doctor’s excuses. You know Strange saw Yellowjacket and Wasp through the peephole, told Wong to tell them he was doing magic stuff, then ran up stairs and is hiding behind a curtain. Panels two and four on this page really illustrate one advantage film has over comics: In comics, the newspapers can’t spin out at the audience the way they can in film. Pages 4-5: Iron Man feels out the X-Men and mutantkind in general by having lemonade with Emma Frost. Way to put him in his place, Ms. Frost. Page 6: Bishop, hiding in a bush, sees Stark getting into his car, and calls to him, “Iron Man? Can we talk?” Presumably, he’s heard Stark recently gave Spider-Man a new costume, and is hoping to talk to him about designing him a new costume. Preferably one without giant metal shoulder pads with stoplights mounted into them. Page 7: Awesome. Four panels, each one introducing one of Captain America’s new “Secret Avengers,” and the new secret identity Nick Fury cooked up for them. Hercules, mythological son of Zeus, is now “Victor Tegler…an I.T. consultant for a major international corporation.” Presumably this is a joke on Fury’s part. Why on Earth would you give Hercules a job in the tech industry? Can you see him consulting? “Okay, didst thou turn the machine off and then back on? Zounds! Hesphateus himself would be stymied by this deviltry!” Still not as funny a joke as Goliath’s new I.D.: “Rockwell Dodsworth.” I wonder why writer Mark Millar didn’t give them more Marvel-esque I.D.s, with repeating syllables, like, I don’t know, Paul Peterson or Chad Chesterton or whatever? Page 8: I wonder why the elite squad of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents that are trained to take down rebel, unregistered superheroes are called “cape-killers.” Seriously, who in the Marvel Universe wears a cape? Think about it. Um, Thor, the Vision and Sentry and, um, is that it? Capes just aren’t very popular in the Marvel Universe, particularly when compared to the DC Universe…Page 10: I don’t know what Cable’s mutant power is. Does it involve the ability to wear dumb-ass costumes without feeling like an ass all the time? Because this one, while a little sleeker and less weighed down with pockets and guns then his ‘90s one, seems to be an unflattering combination of a jumpsuit and a neon sign. Yow! Cloak took a tranq dart in the back of the head. I know darts are probably better than bullets, but I imagine anytime a needle enters the back of your skull forcefully it hurts like hell. Page 11-12:Two pages, five panels, a lot of heroes assembled. The top panel shows some of Iron Man’s team, including She-Hulk (whom artist Steve McNiven draws particularly hot), the Thing, Mr. Fantastic, Ms. Marvel, Yellowjacket and Atlas, who. Like Cap has an A on his forehead. He’s apparently pretty insecure about copping Cap’s look too, as he also has to overcompensate with a second, giant A across his entire torso. Tony, that dude needs a costume too… In the next two panels, we see still more of Iron Man’s team, including Susan “Invisible Woman” Richards, some Thunderbolts, Doc Samson and Wonder Man. Things aren’t looking good for Cap, who just brought some Young Avengers, Cable and his dinner club to the party…Page 13: Tony tries to talk Cap down, with Spider-Man throwing his two cents in. In the last panel, we see more of I.M.’s allies, looks like Tigra and Black Widow are on his side too. Jeez, looks like every babe in the Marvel Universe is on Iron Man’s side. Page 14: Capt makes up for the tactical blunder of showing up and falling for this trap in the first place by nailing Tony with one of the oldest tricks in the book. Page 15: Fight! Oh man, Cap just clocked Tony with the edge of his shield, and Tony’s mask wasn’t even on! Ow! Goliath vs. Yellowjacket—I expect the latter is not long for this world, given Millar’s fondness for killing giant men. Page 16: God, it’s like a bench-clearing baseball brawl all of a sudden. I like how Ben Grimm tells Hulking “I don’t wanna fight you guys,” while pasting the kid and making him spit blood. Pages 17-18: Spider-Man gets serious. I like how Millar has Spidey using his famous fight chatter; on the one hand, it seems out of place for him to be busting on his friends like they were the Sinister Six while fighting them instead of being all angsty about it, but on the other hand, it certainly shows where his head’s at right now. That first panel has a very well-drawn, well-executed gymnastic maneuver by Spidey, and shows him making use of his extra arms (nice composition, McNiven!), but I could have done without the gratuitous crotch-to-taint shot. And while I think it’s cool Millar has Spider-Man joking around while he fights as per usual, his first joke doesn’t make any sense: “Careful, Cap. You could take a guy’s eye out with that thing…like these poor schmucks, for instance,” he says, while grabbing Cap’s shield and slamming it into Daredevil and the Vision. What’s that mean, exactly? DD and Vizh are like things you can take a guy’s eye out with? Shouldn’t it be something more like “Careful, Cap. You could really hurt somebody with this, like these poor scmucks fo rinstance.” Whatever. Ben, who doesn’t want to fight, lands a nice uppercut on Hulkling. Page 19: Break out the tissues, Avengers fans, it’s Cap and Iron Man going at it like two weary boxers. Man, it’s gotta suck fist-fighting Iron Man—it’s like he’s wearing brass knuckles on every inch of his body. Page 20: And there goes one of Cap’s teeth. Great, now he’s got to go to the dentist’s on top of all this Registration crap he’s dealing with. Hercules is pissed, brushes Doc Samson, Shulkie and Spidey aside like they were nothing. Page 21: A lightning bolt takes out Hercules, “Hawkeye,” Luke Cage and Dagger. “My God…” the Catholic superhero Daredevil says in awe. Page 22: Nope, not your God, Hornhead, but a god. Holy crap! I knew this was coming at this point in the series but, wow, I didn’t expect it to be this dramatic. If you still haven’t chosen a side, I’d advise switching to Iron Man’s. He’s got all the hot chicks on his team, and it looks like Cap’s side is about to get buried. Millar’s two-for-two for cliffhanging endings now.
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