?!?!?!?!!!!

So, I guess this is the cover for August's issue of Heroes For Hire, according to Marvel's solicits preview, posted on Newsarama.com last night.

Please note that it is drawn in an anime style by a Japanese person to really bold, underline and highlight the tentacle porn connotations.

Please note also that not only are the four women on the cover exploding out of their costumes, but one of them—the woman in white whose superhero identity I wasn't able to figure out after reading the one issue of the series I've read so far—is actually in a state of undress, and all of them seem to be either unconscious or simply closing their eyes and flinching. Just so you know that it's not simply tentacle porn, but tentacle rape you're seeing here.

And, amusingly, note Shang-Chi, Master of Kung Fu's bicep just behind Black Cat there. I like the fact that the artist included one of the male characters in this scene, just so you know it's not designed solely to titilate the base (and, let's be honest, fucked up) instincts of the male comic book customers. See, we put a half-naked man in the exact same circumstance...just, you know, on the other side of the column.

There's probably a joke to be made about the "For Hire" part of the title, but my mind is too thoroughly boggled by this image to think of it at the moment.

I can't imagine anyone at Marvel actually sat around thinking of what to put on the cover of this issue and were like, "You know, Captain America and Devil Dinosaur didn't do anything to help sales...what we really need is some tentacle rape!" So I've got to assume that Marvel innocently okayed this cover. Which is almost just as scary. Think about it. There are professionals in the comic book industry who are so out of touch with comics, animation and their own fans that they didn't realize the associations this particular style of image brings up and, even more alarmingly, they didn't think that a bunch of helpless women being groped against their will might not be something to put on the cover of a comic book.

For anyone keeping score on their Totally Fucked Up Index at home, Wolverine can't smoke (even though his superpowers prevent him from suffering any personal damage from it) anywhere within a comic book because it sends the wrong message to the kids reading at home (his drinking and killing, however, are cool), but Black Cat and her fellow Heroes For Hire can be raped by slimy tentacles on the cover.

I look forward to the comiquette celebrating this moment in Heroes For Hire history.