Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Deep within a bleak and dismal swamp...
"Aheh-hem. Gentlemen, this organization was created to advocate on behalf of any and all bald men in any aspect of the comics industry—hero, villain, creator, commentator, retailer and even reader, alike. Whether we've lost our hair due to a genetic trait inherited from our ancestors, or if our hair was stolen from us by by some caped clod, we are all here because we are all bald men and, occasionally, bald men need one another's help to reach their goals..."
"That's me, on the cover of 2004's Superman/Batman #6. Fellow member Jeph Loeb and Ed McGuinness saw fit to dress me up in this...abomination. It is, of course, ridicuslous looking, but I was not in my right mind at the time that I donned it. I think I was supposed to be driven mad by Kryptonite poisoning or...something, and it was clouding my judgement. Okay fine, whatever. I was insane for a few pages, and my outfit reflected it. If that were the end of it, than fine, I'd live it down. BUT! Here I am in Infinite Crisis..."
"Still wearing it! In Supergirl, by Loeb again, and Ian Churchill, I was wearing it still. In my 52, Action and Superman appearances, they allowed me to wear my normal attire, a smart business suit or a lab coat, depending on whether I was in my penthous office or my lab. But two years after Infinite Crisis, Dwayne McDuffie takes over JLoA, to tell a story in which I am the main villain. What am I wearing in that? Let's see..."
"It's aesthetically unappealing—although I do like the color scheme—in addition to being extremely impractical. Look at that image from JLoA #13...how am I supposed to walk with boots that big? I can understand if some editors and creators at DC want to evoke nostalgia for my glorious past as a villain in the eighties, but, that suit looked like this..."
"How exactly did they pervert that costume, ridiculous as it is, into the gigantic version I've been forced to wear for the last few years? Why can't I just stick to a suit, or lab coat, or the 'action outfit' they gave me in the later seasons of the Justice League cartoon? And if I must wear a 'supervillain costume,' why can't I at least wear this?"
"Or why not this?"