Cover: Mike Zeck’s an all-star, number one champion cover artist, but this effort seems really, really off, doesn’t it? It’s not just the suddenly ubiquitous Jerry Ordway’s inks, or the fact that this particular Justice League line-up is probably the hardest line-up of all time to make look cool…even Martian Manhunter looks goofy, and why’s he wearing a gold hoop around his neck? You gotta love whoever writes these dumb-ass cover slugs for DC though: There’s gotta be more than a little sarcasm in “Featuring the World-Famous Detroit League!” At least they’re covering different eras in League history though. Page 1: Wow, Mark Farmer’s inks on Tom Derenick’s pencils are gorgeous! I didn’t care for Derenick’s last League story, but Farmer makes his art really pop! Pages 2-3: I’m no surgeon, but I think when you’re cutting your grandson’s bones out, it’s better to administer the anesthetic before starting the buzz saw and waving it in his face. Page 4:Note to self: Must go re-read Eclipso #13 after this, so I can see Commander Steel die. Hmm, Vibe’s plunging neckline plunges much more deeply than Vixen’s. Page 5: I have no idea what Vixen’s doing in this first panel, but I wish she’d stop it. Looks like what cat’s do after they go to the bathroom. “Magickal?” Is Steel British? And he wears red, white and blue with a star on his chest? Page 8: The King looks awesome in his street clothes, and sorta scary in his supervillain costume, but not nearly as scary as Burger King’s King. But then, no one’s as scary as Burger King’s King. Page 10: If you look at Steel’s costume, the white stripe down the middle meets a white belt that rings his waist, but continues down to his crotch. It looks like an upside down cross…is this intentional? A subtle anti-Christian message? Page 11: Woah! A total, blatant, in your face panty-shot! Of Gypsy! This is weird for several reasons, mainly because I have no idea what’s going on in this panel…Vixen jumps up into a tree, hangs upside down by her knees, then swings a smiling Gypsy up towards the reader. Ostensibly, this is part of a training exercise, but really, the only thing it accomplishes is that it shows the reader Gypsy’s panties. Now, Gypsy wears a really long, almost ankle-length skirt, and yet we get a panty shot of her panties, of all the panties in the DC Universe! Contrast this with Mary Marvel, who wears a miniskirt, or the new Supergirl, who wears a microskirt smaller than some watch bands, and yet we never see their panties…and yet they fly! Plus, I believe Gypsy is a teenager at the time this story is set, which means DC is asking it’s readers to ogle the panties of a minor. Next panel: Another shot of that upside down cross uniform. Geez, anti-Christian symbolism, panty shot of a minor, more anti-Christian symbolism Wertham was right! Page 12: Steel swings a tree at his teammates. Luckily, he doesn’t connect, as it would, um, kill them all. Page 13: “Right now, swimming lengths of the ‘pool’ that is Lake Erie—There’s Aquaman.” Man, Aquaman looks pretty cool in the fourth panel, and as someone who grew up on the shores of Lake Erie, I’m shocked that it’s clear enough down there that you can actually see Aquaman underwater. Anyway, last panel, a walleye swims up to him and says “Your highness! Your highness!,” and A-man responds “What is it, Walleye?” What the hell? Is that the Walleye’s name, “Walleye?” Or does Aquaman call all Walleyes “Walleye?” Or is it like saying, “What is it, man?” to a man? Page 14: “My mob heard men talking,” the fish says. Do Walleye swim in mobs instead of schools, or is this fish a frigging mobster? Wait, he’s still talking: …above them on the docks. The sun was higher—I just learned of it. The Royal Flush Gang goes to Canada to kill your Justice League!” Ha ha ha! Not only does this walleye’s “mob” hang out at the docks, but they understand English? Wow, lucky break, Aquaman! Okay, that’s easily the funniest thing I’ve seen in an issue of JLA: Classified since the Giffen/DeMatteis arc…oh wait, check that—the sight of Martian Manhunter grilling hamburgers in the next panel easily tops the walleye/Aquaman conversation. Page 15-20: Fight scene! Steel picks up a tree to use on the Royal Flush Gang. Trees are Steel’s weapon of choice, apparently. Sort of excessive, especially on people who lack superpowers. Page 20:Vixen puts her hands on her hips, looks quizzically at Steel, and says “Ooohh, my head…” I’m no comic book artist, but I woulda drawn her holding her head in that panel if that was her line; or, conversely, I would have re-wrote the dialogue to say, “Ooohh, my hips…” Page 21: Martian Manhunter disguises himself as Amos Fortune, right? Some cliffhanger.
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