52 #35 (DC Comics) This week’s “Holy crap, this is an all-ages book?!” moment of ultra-violence in a DCU comic book comes as part of the cleverly executed “Rain of the Supermen!” scene at the beginning of 52, in which a woman’s face is splattered with her husband’s blood when a fat superhero falls out of the sky and lands on him. Otherwise, it’s a pretty neat showcase scene of Luthor’s evil (I particularly enjoyed his “Hold on,” moment on page 5). Better-than-usual art courtesy of Phil Jimenez and Dan Jurgens sets this Luthor/Infinity Inc. focused issue apart, and there’s hero cameos aplenty: Obsidian, Dr. Light II, Green Lanterns Guy Gardner and John Steweart, Hawk Girl, Power Girl, Captain Marvel Jr., Geo-Force, Metamorpho, Plastic Man, Aquagirl, Beast Boy, Raven and Plastic Man’s son “Offspring,” from the Kingdom Come-iverse. Recent issues of Teen Titans and Superman/Batman hinted that Plas had a son again and that he was Offspring, but I had hoped against hope that the Deadbeat Plas development from Joe Kelly’s JLA #65 wasn’t back in continuity (after Kyle Baker went to the trouble to take it out of continuity in Plastic Man). But get this—Plas stretches on to the scene shouting “Ernie? Ernie?!…What happened to my son?” But his son from JLA was named Luke. So what gives? Plas has another son we didn’t know about, or is this some weird multiverse rejiggering a la whatever the hell’s going on with the Tangent characters in the pages of Ion, or what?
The Amazing Spider-Man #537 (Marvel Comics)
JMS writes a nice scene where Captain America quotes Mark Twain at length to explain why he’s taking the stand he’s taking. Apparently, super-soldier serum boosts the hell out of one’s memory. The only other real notable parts of the book were Cap’s channeling of Donald Rumsfeld’s “unknown unknown” existential press-conference poetry, Ron Garney’s depiction of Wilson Fisk as a twelve foot tall, 800-pound baby, and the Human Torch’s super-gay way of contacting Spidey. The most dramatic aspect of this particular comic book, however, was the advertisements and not their sheer number, but what they were selling. For example, “Edibles,” which are, apparently “Candy Action Heroes!" They appear to be pieces of candy that you assemble into little blocky toys of the Hulk or Wolverine and then, at some point, eat. And, two pages later, Marvel Heroes brand “Eau de toilette,” available from Perfumania, “America’s leading perfumery chain.” Now I can’t imagine a single person wanting either a candy action figure or toilet water with a Spider-Man logo on it but, I suppose they may be out there. I refuse to believe, however, that there is a single person who wants both a candy action figure and Spider-Man toilet water. For those that are wondering, “Spider-Man For Boys” carries “notes of bergamot and petitgrain take on hints of Orange Blossom, with woody tones complemented with a touch of vanilla and musk.” Oddly enough, that’s the exact same description the Perfuma website gives for the scent “Hulk For Men.” Something smells fishy here, and it’s not the “Namor For Nerds”…
The All-New Atom #7 (DC) There is a strong tension between my affection for this title’s silly sci-fi and my love of the English language and the laws of grammar and usage which govern it. Eventually, one will win out over the other. I do like Gail Simone’s loopy characters and the fact that the big head has apparently moved in with Ryan Choi, but for God’s sake woman, cut that shit with the asterisks out, will you? Nice to see Mike Norton handling pencils; I do hope he stays. Other than Simone’s abuse of the poor asterisk, this series’ biggest drawback has been its inability to find a regular artist.
All-Star Superman #6 (DC) Now that’s a superhero comic! Nice to see Krypto the Superdog courtesy of the We3 creative team, and nice to see the Supermen from DC One Million again, too.
Civil War #6 (Marvel) Oddly enough, absolutely nothing of any real import happened in this issue. Oh, we check in with the Fifty State Initiative, Tony and Reed talk on the phone, and everybody gathers in one two-page spread for next month’s big showdown but, all in all, this issue is like #5 in that it simply takes a few deep breaths, getting us ready for the climax. Unless #7 turns out to be an over-sized or double-sized issue, I have no idea how it can possibly be a satisfying conclusion to a series with this much build-up, but I guess we’ll have to wait a month to find out. Looking at the above-mentioned spread, in which the two sides all squeeze in together for a pose fest, it’s hard to imagine how Iron Man’s side doesn’t win this thing in a walk. He’s got Sentry hovering above his shoulder, while the most powerful person on Cap’s side seems to be, I don’t know, Hercules? There are a few very, very stupid moments in this issue, including Invisible Woman’s talk with Namor at the bottom of the ocean (Um, Marvel? Has anyone involved with the creation of this book actually ever been underwater? Because it’s really hard to stand up straight, walk on the soles of your feet and carry on a conversation under water, let alone on the bottom of the ocean), Punisher’s odd-timing for choosing to gun down two bad guys in the middle of a meeting (and why did Cap let him hang on to his uzis in the first place?), and Cap’s line in the last panel, “Now close your eyes, gentlemen. This might hurt.” What might hurt, the dialogue? Too late; I’ve already read it.
Civil War: Frontline #10 (Marvel) Woohoo! Marvel finally stopped ending this “Civil War” related anthology series with offensive shorts drawing parallels between their big, dumb superhero crossover series and real wars. Whew. There are only two, extra-long short stories in this issue, the tenth chapters of both “Embedded” and “The Accused.” The former is a little hard to figure out timeline-wise (the “New Thunderbolts” are shown in the streets of NYC, fighting Daredevil and Typeface), but Ben Urich and Sally Floyd both claim to have come up with the answer as to what the war’s really all about. Meanwhile, Iron Man tells his allies he knows one of them is a traitor, but won’t say which one it is. I guess we’ll just have to keep reading. (My best guess? Iron Man is the traitor, and he’s been acting like a fascist douchebag to discredit the Superhero Registration Act from the inside, heroically deciding to vilify himself and lose all of his friends and allies for the greater good). In the latter, we find out the identity of “New Thunerbolt” Penance (actually, the cover kinda spoils it), and Bobby Baldwin get a new lease on life as one hell of a dark character.
G.I. Joe Vs. Transformers #1 (Devil’s Due Publishing) Seeing as how I grew up with both of these cartoons/toy lines/comic book properties, I was very excited about their 2001 return to comics shelves, but rather quickly lost interest in both properties’ 21st century comics. I haven’t read any Joe or Transformer comics for quite a while now, but the premise of this, the fourth DDP crossover (by my count) piqued my interest, as it involved both the Cobra La and Unicron, the villains from G. I. Joe: The Movie and Transformers: The Movie, respectively. Both were and are really cool concepts, however they also heralded the doom of the both cartoon series. The overpriced, 48-page comic book doesn’t do anything remotely interesting with either the Cobra La or Unicron, however. The story, by Tim Seely, depends an awful lot on your having read the last few crossovers (I skipped the last two), and does little more than use a couple of the characters in a series of structured cameos. The art, by Andrew Wildman, is just this side of horrible, with both the alien planet populated by robots and the hidden society built on the concept of organic rather than metallic machinery mostly consisting of empty, background-free rooms.
The Irredeemable Ant-Man #4 (Marvel) I thought Eric O’Grady using the powers of the Ant-Man suit to spy on girls in the shower was an inspired application, but I gotta admit, his ant races prove to be a lot of fun too. Now as for James DeAngelis, who came up with the new letter column title of “Irredeema-Mail,” I’ve got just one thing to say: Fuck you. My suggestion of “Ant-agrams” was much better. (Kidding…“Irredeema-Mail”’s pretty good, actually).
JLA Classified #31 (DC) Wow, Wonder Woman in a monthly comic book! King Orin as Aquaman! Wally West as the Flash! Martian Manhunter with a round head and being nice to his teammates! Kyle Rayner as a Green Lantern! This book is just chock full of radical ideas!
Midnighter #3 (DC/Wildstorm) I thought “I guess you did electrocute him in the scrotum…” was a pretty funny line of dialogue. Right up until I read the line, “Arm cannon. Bring missiles on-line. Open ventral bay doors, select napalm and shrap. Deploy harpoon…and play Wagner. Play it loud.” Seriously, the harpoon is just overkill.
Punisher War Journal #2 (Marvel) Writer Matt Fraction deserves some props for an automatic classic Punisher line—“I sort ‘em out. Before I kill ‘em. Seems the least I can do”—but those are pretty much the only props anyone deserves for this issue. After an argument about crime-fighting methods, Captain America allows Punisher to join forces with he and his “Secret Avengers,” and the two become a dyanamic duo, fighting super-crime together and avoiding the cape-killer squads who always swoop in to take them into custody. Cap insists Punisher use “non-lethal anti-personnel weapons only,” which makes PWJ’s version of the scene we also saw in Civil War #6 seem all the weirder. Once more this title doesn’t match up to the events occurring in CW, despite the fact that the exact same dialogue appears here as in the CW scene (although Frank’s chattier here). In this version Frank’s walking into the room rather than being there all along. Cap is leaning in to shake hans with Goldbug and Plunderer, rather than simply thingking about it, and he then tryies to stop Frank from shooting them. All in all, it makes for a very different event than the one we saw in CW, although one thing’s consistent between the two versons—they're both as pointless as they are illogical.
Scalped #1 (DC/Vertigo) In general, Vertgio series are almost always better experienced in trade rather than monthly installment, but then, with new series, it’s so much more appealing to gamble $2.99 on a series being the next Fables or Sandman than $16.99. This violent crime story set on a reservation isn’t the next Fables or Sandman, but I’m still interested in what happens next. I’m down for #2.
Superman #658 (DC) The superlative Superman creative team of Kurt Busiek, Carlos Pacheco and Jose Merino finish up their possible future story about Khyber’s destruction of Earth this issue, and though Busiek packs it full of melodrama and Pacheco designs the hell out of the future heroes, it ends up being a much, much longer and much, much more detailed story than it needed to be. Still, it’s almost all worth it for the point Busiek raises on the last two pages, about the natural cycle of civilizations rising and falling, and how superheroes threaten that order.
Superman Confidential #3 (DC) In addition to having no idea what’s going on with the chunk of kryptonite telling us it’s life story, I have no idea what happened in the last few panel’s of this week’s book. On the other hand, writer Darwyn Cooke has a few really nice scenes in here, including one of Superman talking to a polar bear outside his arctic Fortress of Solitude (damn, they don't call it that for nothing), and another in which we see why Luthor hates Superman—the guy can be a real dick sometimes. I mean, he has super-vision and super-hearing, right? Surely he knew Luthor was in the middle of a speech when he swooped in with that giant cake.
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