Marvel's April previews reviewed

Is there any action movie as cliché and tired as the group of heroes walking toward the viewer, preferably in slow motion, and maybe with something burning or exploding in the background?

But you know what make that shit fresh? Adding a humanoid raccon with a gun into the group of heroes.

It’s just too bad that Annihilation: Conquest’s cover artist Aleksi Briclot draws a fucking terrible Rocket Raccoon.



AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #12 Written by DAN SLOTT & CHRISTOS GAGE. Pencils & Cover by STEVE UY. "CHANGING OF THE GUARD.” Daddy's home. IRON MAN comes to Camp Hammond, and he's NOT happy. The first year of the Initiative comes to a dramatic close as members are laid to rest, drummed out, declared AWOL, or...awarded their full Hero's License. See who graduates and find out what super-teams they'll be assigned to as the NEXT era of the Initiative begins! Plus: as a new 3-D MAN appears, the base is suddenly short one Skrull...but not how you'd think... Also guest-starring MS. MARVEL!


See, this is why I love this series. Just look at all the stuff going on in this issue. You sure get your $2.99’s worth of stuff happening every month with Avengers: The Initiative.

I do hope Jeff Parker’s already at work on a script introducing this new 3-D Man to the Agents of Atlas. When he’s not working on scripts for Agents of Atlas II, of course.



IRON MAN: LEGACY OF DOOM #1 (of 4)
Written by DAVID MICHELINIE
Art & Cover by RON LIM & BOB LAYTON
"A Knight in Hell" Dr. Doom returns to menace Iron Man in the chilling and long-awaited conclusion of The Camelot Trilogy! Mephisto has apparently found a way to bring about The End Of Days and Tony Stark and Victor Von Doom must form an uneasy alliance to try and stop him. But all may not be as it seems. And it takes a journey to Hell itself before the shocking truth is revealed! Iron Man legends David Michelinie and Bob Layton are joined by penciler supreme Ron Lim to bring you the first part of an epic literally decades in the making!


Mephisto has apparently found a way to bring about The End of Days, eh? So Spider-Man fans are right—retconning away Peter and MJ's marriage really was the end of the world.



KICK-ASS #3
Written by MARK MILLAR
Pencils & Cover by JOHN ROMITA JR.
You were wowed by the first two issues of this comic. But wait until you read issue three. Mark Millar (Civil War) and John Romita Jr (World War Hulk) only up the odds here and the pace is breathtaking. I read it weeks ago and I'm still having nightmares. Never have I seen such sickening violence sold to readers in the name of entertainment. If it wasn’t selling so well we’d have to stop publishing this monster. Follow Dave’s journey from zero to hero as he becomes a youtube celebrity. He sure kicked the ass of those drop-outs, didn’t he? Join us this issue where he inspires others to dress up and hurt people.

Woah, woah, woah! Take it easy, Solicitation Copy Writer! Okay, first I wasn’t “wowed by the first two issues of this comic,” since I haven’t read either of them. In fact, the damn thing doesn’t even launch till next month.

And what’s this “sickening violence sold to readers” stuff? You haven’t sold it to a single reader yet.

And “if it wasn’t selling so well?” At best, you’ve had retailers place orders for the first two issues, so I guess you could say it’s selling well to the people who actually sell it for you, but Jesus. Calm down, guy.




Orrgo the Unconquerable!




Swarm!


OMEGA: THE UNKNOWN #7 (of 10)
Written by JONATHAN LETHEM & KARL RUSNAK
Art by FAREL DALRYMPLE, PAUL HORNSCHEMEIER & GARY PANTER
Cover by GARY PANTER
You know a super hero's in trouble when he resorts to drawing a comic book to try to solve his problems! Omega The Unknown #7, on top of the usual stellar array of talent, features special guest-star creator Gary Panter, known for his work on a legendary children's show, Frank Zappa's album covers, and RAW Magazine—but he's never been between Marvel's covers before. Tune in!

Gary Panter is drawing a Marvel comic book. Gary Panter is drawing a Marvel comic book.



THE ORDER #10
Written by MATT FRACTION
Pencils & Cover by BARRY KITSON
Shell-shocked, shattered, and—worst of all—depowered, the men and women that were once the Order stand face to face with the big-bad that's toyed with them for 9 whole issues in various forms and guises and shapes and sizes. They might be broken—but can The Order be beaten? The end of a strange and vicious trip arrives, and God only knows if the Order will survive. As this is our last issue, y'know, you might think you know the answer. But you might be wrong! You don't know. You DON'T! Hooray! Goodbye! By Matt Fraction (PUNISHER WAR JOURNAL, Casanova), Kaare Evans (Immortal Iron Fist) and Barry Kitson (Empire, Legion of Superheroes).


Wow, I didn’t realize The Order was doing so poorly that it was on the chopping block already. It didn’t even get a year? It seemed to be very well received critically. I guess that should have been my first clue that it wasn’t selling very well. I blame the last-minute title change, myself. I would have bought a book called The Champions monthly, but a book called The Order? That gets trade-waited. Sorry Order fans; I feel this is partially my fault now.






Brian Michael Bendis’ “Secret Invasion” story finally kicks off in earnest. Interesting strategy with the covers, taking classic covers (or possible future classic in the case of that top one, I guess) and Skrullifying them, as they’ve zombified classic Marvel covers to great effect in the past. I don’t see this working anywhere near as well—zombies are more popular than Skrulls, after all—but it’s always fun to watch Marvel try this hard.



SPIDER-MAN FAMILY #8 Written by KEVIN GREVIOUX & NATE PIEKOS. Penciled by RAY HEIGHT & ZACH HOWARD. Cover by DAVID WILLIAMS. So, have you ever noticed that Peter Parker never really grows facial hair? That’s just this side of weird, right? We felt sorry for the wall–crawler, so we went and got him a special guest star, THE INVINCIBLE IRON MAN!!!!!! Because I think we can all agree that Tony Stark’s got the sweetest facial hair in all of Marvel Comics. Oh! And they fight a Nazi robot. PLUS…Spidey vs. Iceman! Spider-Man J! And a TON of classic Spidey stories!


This is probably the best solicitation copy for a Spider-Man comic I’ve ever read. It’s just too bad that it sounds like Spidey’s lack of facial hair won’t be the actual focus of the story.



Why are Kaare Andrews’ covers for The Twelve so bad? I feel he’s adopting a terrible style on purpose, and I don’t get it. He’s a brilliant cover artist. In fact, I was buying the Bruce Jones Incredible Hulk for quite a while after John Romita Jr. left just because I couldn’t resist Andrews’ covers.



WAR IS HELL: THE FIRST FLIGHT OF THE PHANTOM EAGLE MAX #2 (of 5)
Written by GARTH ENNIS
Penciled by HOWARD CHAYKIN
Cover by JOHN CASSADAY The battle for the skies continues as young pilot Karl Kauffman takes the fight to the Hun. But as the missions continue and the body count rises, Kauffman learns quickly that combat isn't as glamorous as he'd hoped. Meanwhile, his fellow soldiers begin to question the strange circumstances of his arrival. Kauffman must prove his worth before his past is uncovered. But doing so might cost the lives of his closest friends.


Is it just me, or did this title triple in length since last month's solicitations?