Saturday, November 07, 2009

Oh yeah, in this week's issue of Batman: Unseen, Batman totally

grabs a naked, greased dude's penis.

No, of course I'm not making that up. Okay, so the villain in Unseen is a new mad scientist type character who has developed a serum that makes him invisible.

The chemical doesn't affect clothing, however, so obviously he needs to be naked in order to sneak up on victims, right?

And he needs to be greased because...well, he probably doesn't need to be greased. He may just be worried about chafing. But being greasy sure comes in handy when someone tries to grab him.

In the climax of Unseen #3, Batman stops the invisible killer while he's attempting to claim another victim, and the two fight. At one point, Batman takes a flying tackle at him, and the pair tumble down the stairs:
And Batman notices that he's naked. How does Batman, master detective that he is, know that the invisible man is naked? Batman's wearing gloves and is covered ear point to cape tip in his own clothing (save for a bit around the mouth). So, clearly, Batman must have inadvertently touched his enemy in a way that made it clear that the invisible man was indeed naked.

Therefore, Batman totally grabbed a naked, greased dude's penis.


Hdefined said...

What? Why is this the only conclusion you've drawn?

If Batman's gloves are thin/sensitive enough to feel grease on the surface they touch, then I'm sure he can also figure out when he's touching skin and not clothing or spandex.

And there are certainly other parts of the body that could tip someone off.

Wow, Caleb. Your post says a whole lot more about you than it does this comic.

Michael Hoskin said...

This only proves that Caleb will take a long walk for a short joke.

caleb said...


You're a one-man argument against the existence of a comments section. You know that, right?

What's the less dick-ish way for me to deal with you? Delete your comments when I see 'em? Allow you to post but ignore them?

Tony J said...

Indeed, how would a guy fighting an invisible opponent know that said opponent was naked, as opposed to partially clothed, unless his thin/sensitive gloves had purchase upon a part of his opponent's anatomy that would, in the partially clothed state, be covered by clothing or spandex?

You appear to be postulating a theory in which Batman grabbed his opponent's ass. Intriguing, but surely there would have been at least - some - consideration on Batman's part over whether his opponent was sporting a thong? If only out of tactical interest as a possible un-greased method of him practicing leaverage on a very greasy opponent?

No, I think Batman grabbed his opponent's dick and wrenched it about quite painfully. It's a very Batman thing to do, as The Midnighter would be happy to explain.

ealgylden said...

If you start deleting a certain someone's constant pedantic and annoying comments, Caleb, the lurkers will support you in email. Well, this lurker would anyway.

therealaznpirate said...

Hdefined: That's not necessarily the case, because if the guy's greasy then Bats can tell just by how relatively little friction there is in terms of grabbing him. It's not like, even if I had a pair of fisherman's gloves on, that I couldn't tell whether something was wet or not through trying to grab it.

And really, in the superhero world of ridiculous outfits, what other body part could really tip you off if you'd assumed they were wearing full body spandex?

Hdefined said...

Imagining that the penis was the part that tipped (oh, that's a pun) Batman off, there's no reason he had to GRAB it to realize it was hanging out.

That seems more telling of Caleb's imagination.

jason quinones said...

it's painfully obvious caleb was just trying to make a silly dick joke. a joke which has apparently gone over the head of the painfully humorless, grammatical tyrant that is hdefined.

therealaznpirate said...


How else could he have really identified the penis, grabbing it would've been the most likely indicator. Just rubbing against it wouldn't tell him much. Now YOU'RE just grabbing (oh, that's a pun too) at straws to attack Caleb.

Randal said...

I'll top the 6:30 AM blurry-eyed reading of the thumbnail by my starting-to-get-old eyes, I thought the last caption read "and excited" before I clicked on it.

So, who's the perv NOW, Hdefined?