Caleb's 100% Effective Baldness Cure

Are you bald? Do you find the ladies ignoring you in favor of romantic rivals with thick, lustrous heads of hair? Do you suffer from a sunburned scalp in the summer time? Do you feel ashamed when the glare off your head causes passersby to squint? Are you tired of people rubbing your head for luck, or greeting you with a "What's up, Brian Michael Bendis?"

If you answered yes to any of the above, then chances are you've also spent time wishing there was a cure for your condition. Well, wish no more, because there is! And it's CALEB'S 100% EFFECTIVE BALDNESS CURE!

YOU WILL NEED:

—A beard

—Scissors, clippers or any other hair-cutting implement of your choice

—Glue

STEP ONE: USING THE HAIR-CUTTING IMPLEMENTS, CUT THE BEARD OFF

(Be sure to collect it as it is removed from your face, and then set it aside. You will need this later)

STEP TWO: APPLY THE GLUE EVENLY TO YOUR BALD HEAD

STEP THREE: SPRINKLE YOUR BEARD ONTO YOUR BALD HEAD. WAIT FOR THE GLUE TO DRY, REMAINING AS MOTIONLESS AS POSSIBLE

Congratulations! Your baldness is now cured!

You now have a fabulous head of 100% real, natural hair grown from your own head!

And it looks great from all angles!

And no one will be able to tell it's not your original hair!

Now go get 'em, tiger!


(Please note: Your new head of hair will last only until your next shower, or until you are caught in a sudden rainstorm. So be sure to wear a shower cap when washing, and bring and umbrella when leaving your house. Once your new head of hair is washed away, simply begin the process all over again)