Tuesday, March 17, 2009

No Sale: Ultimatum #3

If you haven't been to the comic shop yet this week, when you do go, be sure to flip through the latest issue of Jeph Loeb and David Finch's miniseries destroying Marvel's Ultimate Universe (by making it so stupid and gross that no one would ever want to read another comic book branded with the word "Ultimate" ever again).

I haven't been reading this thing, on account of it being written by Jeph Loeb, but I'm kind of looking forward to borrowing the eventual trade collection from the library some day, as it looks so stupid and so gross that it looks like it could conceivably be enjoyable in a holy-shit-grown-men-made-this-and-other-grown-men-paid-them-money-to-make-it kind of way.

So, flipping through this particular issue, I saw...

—Hank Pym, now wearing his Marvel Universe Yellowjacket costume (because most of those writers charged with recreating the Marvel Universe for the 21st century for the Ultimate line have decided the best way to do that is to just ape whatever was done in the plain old regular Marvel Universe in the 20th century), grows to giant-size and bites off The Blob's head. The Blob, you may recall, ate the Wasp's intestines in a previous issue. So naturally Pym retalliates by eating (or at least biting off) part of the The Blob. Naturally, the way to retalliate against someone doing something unspeakable to a loved on is to do the exact same unspeakable thing to them.

—The Scarlet Witch, wearing a costume that includes thong panties, arguing with her dad. Given the fact that Loeb wrote about her incestuous relationship with her brother in his Ultimates miniseries (and, through the character Wasp gave the impression that siblings having a sexual relationship wasn't really a big deal), I was afraid to read the dialogue bubbles in that panel.

—The woman I assume is supposed to be Valkyrie has a hole torn in her top, which artist David Finch keeps drawing in different places in each drawing of her, and, although the rip is in a different place upon her breast in each drawing, it never reveals her nipple. Because Valkyrie doesn't have nipples anymore (?). I know the "gore/violence is okay, nipples and genitals are not double-standard" is nothing new in American pop culture, but it's especially striking in a story with this much gore and violence.

—Hank Pym gets skeltonized in some sort of explosion or energy blast.

I can't say for sure, but I think Jeph Loeb is trying his hardest to replace Geoff Johns as the perceived preeminent purveyor of superhero gore.


J. Charles Brister said...

That thing that Pym did to the Blob? The biting off of the head? It's called Lex Talionis. Eye for an eye, that sort of thing.
Loeb is apparently a man who believes in that sort of thing, and he Pym DID attack his on wife with ants, so shocking displays of brutality are not beyond him.

Anonymous said...

I was really skeeved out by that Scarlet Witch scene too- except a page later, it shows that it's actually Mystique, which is still mighty creepy.

Hdefined said...

"That thing that Pym did to the Blob? The biting off of the head? It's called Lex Talionis. Eye for an eye, that sort of thing."

Oh, well, that certainly makes it all better . . .

LurkerWithout said...

Didn't Loeb kill Wanda in his Ultimates run? I kind of remember that happening. Right?

Oh well, the important thing is another week of photo shopped parodies over at 4th Letter...

Greg said...

I did read the issue, and it's horrible. You missed a nice close-up of one of Madrox's duplicates getting an arrow right through the eye. Charming!

KentL said...

Wow. That sounds horrible. Makes me think that the brainstorming for this went something like this:

JoeQ: Hey, Jeph! Can you come up with some big event for the Ultimate line?

Loeb: Sure. I think I have some old scripts that Liefeld turned down from our Awesome days.

JoeQ: Awesome!

Loeb: Awesome.